More to Come

It’s been a ridiculously busy month for me.  Filled with road trips, adventures, parties, new people and house guests.

A few weeks ago I took a road trip with my Shaman Circle to Enchanted Rock.  The weather was beyond perfect, a balance, rarely seen in Texas, of warmth and refreshing cool breeze.  And the sky was a shocking cobalt blue with not a cloud to be seen.  I spent the trip in the same awesome space that I spent at Burning Man in 2005, just kind of moving effortlessly between various clusters of people, both known and unknown, with small stretches of sacred solitude in between.  I did a Medicine Walk Light ™, allowing nature to send me any messages that needed to get through.  Only one animal messenger appeared to me but it was a constant presence.  Mockingbirds followed me wherever I went in the park.  Everywhere I looked, there was a mockingbird looking back at me.

Mockingbirds mean curiosity, fearlessness and protectiveness with a heavy emphasis on vocal communication.  So there’s that urging once more that I need to focus on my voice.  I’m still mostly confounded as to what exactly that means but I have a few ideas for experimentation that I will post here when I get them underway.

I’ve had some odd nocturnal disturbances over the past month.  Just disturbed sleep and being awoken in the night.  It was the distinct alerting from my home wards, which is how I know this isn’t my usual ‘I’m bad at sleeping’ thing.  Something/one was poking about.  They didn’t seem to be making a focused effort, just similar to a child tossing rocks at an electric fence.  Brother Jaguar always ran whatever it was off before I had a chance to fully rouse and act, so I wasn’t too worried.  And the activity seems to have stopped now.

But another sort of activity entirely picked up last night.  It was Lunar Beltane and a Supermoon to boot so I will give it its own post.

 

Lunacy

‘Tis moonlight, summer moonlight,
All soft and still and fair;
The solemn hour of midnight
Breathes sweet thoughts everywhere,

But most where trees are sending
Their breezy boughs on high,
Or stooping low are lending
A shelter from the sky.

And there in those wild bowers
A lovely form is laid;
Green grass and dew-steeped flowers
Wave gently round her head.

-Emily Jane Brontë

That was my night last night.  We three were we four as we had invited a friend of ours to join us in our revelry.  At first there was some hesitance and a bit too much politeness, as is to be expected when you invite someone new to your Circle.  But for me, personally, I settled into an easy rhythm shortly after we got well and truly started.

We smudged each other with sage and cedar, laughing softly in the dying light.  Flowers adorned our altar and our hair.  We called our quarters in the gloaming, fitting that, as we had all agreed to work with the Fae.  Intentions were laid bare upon the scales of Libra.

But the best part of the night was when we moved our altar to the grass itself and encircled it with our bodies.  Shoes came off.  Hair came down.  Peripherals were forgotten.  A small smoldering pot of Copal and Dandelion smoked in our midst as we regarded each other by candlelight.

Then I saw it.

The moon, bigger than I can remember seeing it, rising just over the treeline.  It took my breath away.  I couldn’t even explain to my Sisters what I was reacting to, so I just held my breath and pointed.  We four sat in wonder and rapture, as the sacred smoke wafted over our bare skin in the spring air.  The moon was ripe with abundance, laughing as she bobbed further heavenward.

And then all hell broke loose.  In the best of ways.  There was spontaneous uncontrolled laughter.  Resonant humming.  Electrical malfunctions.  Curious eyes peeping over rooftops and small, sharp faces peering from the trees.  Pinching.  Tapping.  Tingling.  Swaying.  All set to a soundtrack of us four, laughing softly.

Lunacy, if you will.  Unsurprising since three of the four of us have Cancer Moons.  We all have the distinctive ‘lunar laugh’.  I’m sure you’ve heard it before.  Sometimes it starts out normal and then explodes in a shrieking cackle that startles everyone in the area.  Sometimes it’s low and deliciously sinister.  And sometimes it’s a soft, warm staccato that commands attention even though you’re not sure why.  No one laughs like a Cancer.

Edit – I am unsure what is going on with my nonexistent paragraph breaks.  As an Editor this post horrifies me, you have my apologies!  (trying to fix it)

Spring Equinox 2012: Of Storms, Ostara and Doorways to Faerie

Spring has definitely sprung in Texas.  It was demolition derby out there the night before last when a massive line of storms coursed over the area.  A tree that grew along the creek that runs behind my fence-line was struck by lightning, fell over and crushed my neighbor’s fence.  Kachina’s house was actually struck by lightning!  This isn’t exactly the kind of excitement I look for when Spring comes around!

The good news is, the plants and yard love the rainy season.  And Kachina is crafting new wands for our coven from the lightning wood.  Exciting!

Last Friday was my Shaman’s Circle celebration of Ostara.  It was a full house and the mood was palpably joyous and hopeful.  Lots of laughter and warmth.  It continues to amaze me how effortlessly powerful this group of women is.  When the leader starts a call for power it’s like someone has just fired up a Tesla Coil in the room.  It’s immediate and intense.

As always, the after Circle meetup at the local cafe is just as much of a joy to me as the Circle itself.  Seven of us squeezed into one booth and cackled our way through midnight.  One of the lovely ladies I’ve befriended has agreed to trade me some Mandrake seeds for some of my White Sage seeds!  I have no idea if I’m skilled enough to grow mandrake from seed but I will do my damnedest!

The Spring Cleaning urge has hit me big time.  I’ve already cleaned up the front and back yards so now all that’s left is a boundary smudge (with burning Sage and Cedar) and reinforcement of my wards (which will be done in the dead of night so my neighbor’s don’t think I’ve completely lost it).  I am also going to sprinkle lines of dried Vervain in front of my doorways.  (Remind me to devote a whole post to Vervain and my unashamed love affair with it.)

Also, a symptom of Spring’s return is my mind wandering into strange lands.  I have an enormous double Oak that grows just beyond my back door, it arches over my entire backyard and the back edge of the house, spreading it’s amazingly strong arms over me and my property.  I’ve grown up with that tree.  I’ve climbed it and swung beneath it.  I’ve hunted for Easter eggs around it.  I’ve seen it’s Guardian twice in my life.  Once when I was a child it appeared to me as I played in the shade of the tree (it scared the shit out of me).  And once when I was in my early twenties (during a time of amazing spiritual growth) I saw it standing beneath the tree as I looked out the window one morning.  We gazed at each other long and hard, sizing each other up and then I smiled, and it smiled.  It doesn’t allow itself to be seen very often, but I can personally vouch for feeling it constantly.  I feel it moving about in the yard, always near the tree itself, day or night.  It follows me during my sunrise walks in the warm months, as I make my rounds around the garden, watering, weeding and caring for my yard.

This Guardian is what tipped me off about what was always so strange about that tree.  After the second time I saw it (and I mean I saw it with my actual eyes, not just my third eye) I realized that that tree was a doorway.  During the warm months it is a doorway for the Fae, they come and go with dizzying amounts of activity.  A lot of them just continue on to wherever they have mind to go.  But some make homes in my garden during the growing season.  I see these Fae a lot more often than I see the Guardian.  And I consider myself beyond lucky that I have such a close and private connection to the world of the Fae.

Of course, there are some unintended side effects associated with having an enormous doorway in my backyard.  If I don’t set my boundaries properly I will end up with all manner of items disappearing and being moved about, unexpected guests at my magickal workings and just general weirdness happening inside my house.  The usual way I set it up is, ‘You can have the run of the yard but remember that it is shared space.  But my home is my home and you must ask if you want to enter as I would do if I want to enter your home.’  It works out well.  And the shared space of my yard and garden becomes a space apart from the rest of the world.  You can feel it when you walk onto my property, it lures you back further, towards the back, towards the tree.  Even people who aren’t magickally inclined feel and succumb to the pull of it, I often find them standing slack-jawed staring up into the tree when they first visit (as happened when Kachina’s love came to visit me).

In the cold months, when the Holly King reigns the tree does something interesting.  The only way I have to describe it is it ‘reverses polarity’.  The energy changes and you can feel it.  The only Fae that continue to use it during the cold months are the darker Fae.  But mostly it becomes a doorway for the Dead during those months.  It starts around October and continues through February.  The feel of the tree and my space is noticeably different during those months, there is still a pull and a feeling of two worlds overlapping, but the energy is darker and a lower vibration.  Visitors during these months tend to get nervous and spooked more easily.  I get a lot of ‘Don’t you get scared?  Being here all alone?’  “Nope” is my simple answer.  The rest of the answer is that 1) I’m never alone here and 2) I have a symbiotic relationship with that tree, its Guardian and all that it encompasses.  We care for and take care of each other.  We watch over each other.  We help each other when we are able.  The Guardian and I understand and love each other, we will not allow harm to come to one another.  So I know that if ever some unsavory sort of Spirit or Fae takes undue interest in me, the Guardian will act.  I’ve felt it happen before and it’s an awesome show of force.

There’s a flipside to that protection though.  Some more sensitive people will get completely freaked out by the energy of the Guardian.  Because it’s protective of me and the land it can sometimes come across as intense and quietly aggressive.  It’s actually one of the things that has kept me from offering my place up as Ritual space for my Coven and Circle.  I’m unsure how others will react when they open themselves up for Work on my property.  Inside my house has worked fine, but I often wonder about what would happen if my coven gathered beneath it.  I certainly know what happens when I go it solo out there!  But I’m a bit of a special case when it comes to that tree.  It knows me, I know it and we understand each other.  Everyone else is an outsider.  So I think I may just have to do some Journey work to speak with the Guardian and ask how it would feel about others being invited into the space.

Which brings me to another thing about that tree.  The dreams!  Oh god, the dreams!  My bedroom is very very near the canopy and the dreams that I have in the warm months, when the polarity shifts!  I go places.  I see things.  I can’t even describe it.  I plan on doing a lot of Journey work with the tree this year.  If it’s a doorway, it goes both directions, yes?  They can come through so this year I will go through.  The Guardian has already given me permission to use the door.  I’d like to invite my coven to use the door but all I’ve gotten so far is a staunch ‘Only you.’  I suspect that will change if I start inviting them over to get used to the energy, to attune to it and for the Guardian to get to know them.  But first I need to do some Journey work.

Whew!  I have a lot of Work to do this Spring!

 

Dark Moon Workshop

Last night I attended the Moon workshop for the Dark of Moon.  It always astounds me how many Pagans react negatively towards or outright ignore the Dark Moon.  I’ve even read some books/sources that say that no magick should ever be performed on a Dark Moon.  To me those people are performing a service to the rest of us in that they are proving how we as a humans generally react to our shadow selves.  Dark Moon is all about the shadow self, the parts of ourselves that make us uncomfortable, the parts we try to hide.  But knowing thyself is a big part of this Work, and if we don’t have the stones to look at the good and the bad within ourselves then we are just wasting everyone’s time.

Ahem.  /soapbox

So last night wasn’t the actual Dark Moon, but it was the closest Sunday to it.  I’d like to give out a few links that I use everyday for moon work.

First there is Lunarium.  I use this site for everything from gardening to planning when to cut my hair.  Make sure you set the location to your correct location and check out the Calendars that you can print!  (There are two because there are two different ways of going about Lunar Gardening: The American and The European.  The differences are that one is a lot more involved (read: more work) than the other.)

Next there is Zodiac Arts calendar.  Much simpler and easier to get what you’re looking for ‘at a glance’.  Once again, don’t forget to change it to your location!

Last but not least, Almanac.com has a wonderful moon phase calendar that has a visual representation of the moon, as well as percentages.  You won’t get as much info from this one, but I have a soft spot for this calendar.  Again, set it to your location.

Next up, I have a peeve to talk to about.  Dark Moon vs New Moon.  They are not the same thing.  I see this confusion everywhere and it’s really stupid.  If people sat down to think about it for one second they would realize their mistake.  The Dark Moon is when the Moon goes completely dark.  The New Moon is when the moon is just starting to wax (1 %).  So essentially, the next night.  And yet, even on those calendars up there, I see them calling the actual Dark Moon the ‘New Moon’.  Ugh.  It may be semantics, but the energies are very different for me, so it matters!

Uhh.  /soapbox

Here are the correspondences she gave for the Dark Moon –

Herbs: Burdock, Clove, Damiana, Mandrake, Hemlock, Valerian, Wormwood.  (You will notice a lot of the poisonous herbs used in traditional flying ointments there!)

Gems: Jet, Obsidian, Onyx, Hematite

Oils: Cinnamon, Vanilla, Amber, Dragon’s Blood, Sage, Neem

Element: Earth

Time: Midnight

Deities – Hekate, Lilith, Kali, Morrigan and any in Crone aspect

I made an oil blend of Dragon’s Blood, Sage and Vanilla with a pinch each of Damiana and Mandrake.  Also, for the record, Neem oil smells like an unwashed jockstrap.

Next Sunday is our last class, dealing with the Waxing Moon!  Also we will be taking our test!

 

Where Is My… Mind?

So part of the Moon workshop I’ve been doing has been observing and logging how I feel every day while tracking the Moon’s phase.  I fear my Full Moon data was compromised by some bit of ick that I was fighting off so I will have to keep logging through the next one.  But as it stands right now I’ve noticed a large spike in accordance with the moon’s wane.  Not bouncing off the walls energy, no, that’s Full Moon energy.  But a wide-awake, alert, whip-smart sort of focus that started on the wane and has only built.  To me, the waning Moon has always been a time for intense study, meditation, learning.  The lady who leads the workshop, thinks the Moon takes away during the wane, but that’s not what it feels like to me.  The Moon pulls inward during the wane.  To me that’s a gathering of strength, a clear introspection and fierce independence.

I’m still enjoying the workshop even though I don’t agree with the lady offering it.  Some of what she says is great, and some of it just leaves me confused (because it’s the opposite of what I’ve experienced).  But again, we don’t have to see directly eye to eye.  She’s Wiccan and proud of it, I am… not.  And I haven’t been Wiccan for about fifteen years.  I still remember how it all works for a Wiccan though so I can see where her head is at.

This last Sunday we worked on the Waning Moon.  There are very few actual verifiable associations specifically for the Waning Moon so instead we worked on the Moon’s season.

Moon in Winter Associations –

Herbs: Basil, Fennel

Gems: Onyx and Amethyst

Oils: Clove, Coriander, Lavender, Tea Tree, Rose, Rosemary, Sage, Patchouli, Peppermint

Element: Water

Time: Twilight (Time of day/night, not that crap series of books)

Color: Black

Deity: Astarte, Europa, Hekate

I made an oil blend using a Sweet Almond carrier that consisted of Sage, Patchouli and Coriander with a pinch of Basil.

Note on Patchouli: So I, like most people, loathed Patchouli for a good many years until I realized I had never actually smelled the real thing.  What you smell in/on incense/candles/hippies/headshops isn’t actually real Patchouli, it’s a cheap analogue.  The real thing, as in the essential oil, smells amazing.  The fake shit smells like fermented armpit.

Our homework this week is to moonbathe in the Waning Moon’s light.  I haven’t done it just yet though.  Maybe tonight.

Tomorrow night I have my ‘At Home in the Universe: Conversing With Our Unique Path’ Shamanic Circle.  I’ve been looking forward to this one for weeks!  (Also that reminds me, last week’s Shaman Circle yielded an amazing Journey that I need to blog about here.)

Oh one more thing, I looked up my birthday (the proper year) on an in depth Moon calender.  Turns out I was born on a New Moon.

Booked and Loving It.

So here’s what my month looks like from this spot right here.

Tonight I have the Full Moon with Kachina.  Our agenda is pretty open although we are going to do some oracular work with our Coven’s Guide, Argo.  Moonbathing will happen if it’s not too cold.  A fire will be built if it’s cold enough.  Also moonwater is being made.

Friday the 10th I have a Shaman Circle Journey.

Sunday the 12th I have a Waning Moon Workshop.

Friday the 17th I have a At Home In The Universe Shaman Circle Journey.

Saturday the 18th I have to plant tubers and all root oriented plants in the garden as well as get the last of my Bindrunes inscriptions going in the space.

Sunday the 19th I have a Dark Moon Workshop.

Monday the 20th I have a whopper Protection/Defense/Blessing Working to do at my Sister’s space downtown.  Hex-breakers on deck!

Sunday the 26th I have a Waxing Moon Workshop.

Monday the 27th I have to plant tons of seeds in my Faery Garden and try not to get a sunburn.

Wednesday the 29th will be a Leap Year Spell for Opportunity.  (I’m unsure whether this will be solo or coven.)

Wow it’s overwhelming, seeing it all laid out like that!  I never thought, back on Samhain, that my resolve to be more community oriented would take off like a cannonball out of a cannon like this.  Love it.

Full Moon Homework

So last night I attended the first of four Moon Phase Workshops with Kachina.  Working with the moon was one of the first things I ever learned about witchcraft in general, and I’m glad to say it was drilled into my thick skull over and over again.  So I knew some of the stuff in this workshop would be repeats.  However in comparison to the Full Moon, the Dark Moon often gets outright ignored, which is one of my main reasons for wanting to do this.  Also this workshop heavily focuses on herb and essential oil associations with the phases and that’s right up my alley.

So last night we were working with the Full Moon since we are very very close to it right now.  I made an oil blend of Jasmine and Vanilla (the real Vanilla which smells quite different than what you use to bake with) with Poppy seeds thrown in and I used a Coconut oil carrier.  Smells really good but what I actually used to decide on the blend was how it made me feel when I breathed it in.  I felt in my chest, this kind of ‘opening up’ expansive feeling so I knew it was right.

The leader of the workshop is a hilarious older lady who Kachina is much closer to than I am.  I like her a lot but I do find some of her beliefs don’t work for me at all and I’ve also noticed a few things she passes off as fact that just aren’t true.  But I can overlook it since she is very personable and it doesn’t really affect my Work in any way whether or not someone sees exactly eye to eye with me.  (The completely erroneous ‘facts’ bug me though but I kept my big mouth shut.)  Here are the associations for the Full Moon that she gave us.

Gem – Moonstone

Colors – Red and Green

Carrier oil – Coconut

Essential Oils – Jasmina, Sandalwood, Vanilla, Sweet Orange

Herbs – Myrrh and Poppy

Deities – Astarte, Calliope, Nemesis, Mari, Rhode, Selene

Favored Work – divination, family, knowledge, protection

Again, these are her associations for the Full Moon.  Some of them work for me, some of them don’t.  But I’m writing them here so I don’t lose them.

Our homework (to be done by next Sunday) is to find a new use for Moon Water.  Begin keeping a daily log of how we feel (in order to nail down which phases we personally work best with).  And moonbathing, which is just exactly what it sounds like.  Kachina will be coming over tomorrow night at midnight for some moonbathing.  Although the weather looks to be against us.  If it is, we will just make a fire, do some guided rune meditation and drink red wine.  It’s win/win.

The Pre-ritual Rituals: Of Baths and Sundries

It occurs to me that my rituals begin long before they actually begin.  Let me explain.  Usually when I think of myself doing a ritual I think of myself in my Circle, all my trinkets and tools at hand, incense caressing my face as I speak words from my heart.  But that isn’t where my rituals actually begin.  In fact, that’s much closer to the end than the beginning.

There are some times that my ritual begins a lot earlier than others.  As in the case of Fasting.  When I fast I always start it 24 hours prior to (my best guess at) my Circle Call.  Sometimes it is a complete fast, as in nothing but water.  Other times it’s a nothing but water tea and fruit fast, which leads to mad smoothie making!  Generally I only fast on particularly auspicious dates.  Or if I know I’m going to be scrying or doing oracular work in general.  Something about fasting just disconnects me just enough to put me in direct contact with the otherworld.

Most of the time though, my ritual begins with my ritual bath.  (Yes, sometimes it is a ritual shower but I find that’s kind of like picking fast food over a good meal.)  It starts shortly after I gather what I need for the bath.  Depending on who or what I am doing that night I tend to go with colors and scents that are in accordance.  For instance, just now, since tonight is my Coven’s celebration of Imbolc, I went with green candles on every surface of the bathroom and Cinnamon incense burning.  Cinnamon is fiery and it makes me think of hearth and home, so to me it makes me think of Brigid.

If I’m coming from a particularly emotional or stressful state of mind I smudge myself with Smoky Quartz or Citrine.  I keep both in my bathroom, just in case.

Into the bath goes scented bath salts, herbs and bubbles.  I spare no expense with my ritual bath.  It is just about the only time I really pamper myself, sadly.  As I prepare the bath and light the candles/incense up comes Pandora on my computer.  (For those who are curious, if you look at my Twitter feed on the right, when you see a message that I’m listening to my ‘Through the Forest’ playlist that means I’ve started my ritual prep.  And feel free to listen to my station and make judgy faces at it.)

When the lights go out is the exact moment my ritual space opens up.  I carry one single candle from my bedroom to the bathroom.  One single candle to light my way as I listen to the music and breathe deeply.  Then the clothes come off and into the water I go.  I generally languish in the water as long as possible.  I visualize all negativity seeping out of my pores.  I run my hands over my skin to slough the shadows from me.  I breathe out the bad and breathe in the good.  Out goes Anger.  In comes Peace.  Out goes Sadness.  In comes Hope.  Out goes Stress.  In comes Clarity.  You get the picture.

Sometimes I speak to what Deity or Being I will be working with that night.  Almost like a prayer.  It’s where I share any misgivings or indecision, so that when the moment of truth comes I can speak without faltering.

After the bath I anoint myself with oils that I only ever wear during magickal Work.  It helps tell my subconscious mind, in case it hasn’t gotten the hint yet, that it’s time to cross the boundary from mundane to sacred.  And that’s really what all of this is about.  Giving my logical brain all the clues it can take until it gets out of the way and let’s my Spirit take the wheel.  Sometimes the switch over is abrupt, like a lightning bolt.  Most times it’s very subtle.  All my senses engaged in the bathing, the smoke, the perfumes, the feel of the water until finally I realize that I’m already there.  I’m already between the worlds.

I take great care in selecting what jewelry I wear during a magickal Working.  I always wear my Mjolnir (Thor’s Hammer), even during mundane day to day, so that’s a given.  I always wear my silver Aztec ring on my power hand (It’s huge and scrolls up and down, covering half my ring finger, it makes me think of a strong gust of wind.)  Sometimes, if I know I’m going to need my clairaudience, I wear my moonstone earrings.  If I know teamwork with my Sisters is of particular importance on that night I wear my Raven necklace (all three of us have them).  I could go on, but you get the idea.

After the bath the music stays on as I cast my bone runes and pull some tarot cards.  These readings only pertain to the task at hand and they are beyond useful for seeing any snags before they happen.  If my heart isn’t in the right place, if I haven’t prepared properly, if I’m calling to the wrong Being, I see it in the runes or in the cards.

Then I dress and fiddle about until it’s time.  My fiddling is still done with the music going and the incense burning as there is no sense going right back into the mundane after I worked so hard to get out of it.  Generally I do a lot of fiddling on Pinterest.  (If you haven’t discovered Pinterest you are missing out!  You can find My Pinterest under my Links on the right side of the page here.)  I’ve found lots of inspiration while browsing Pinterest.

Anyone else have any pre-ritual rituals they want to share?  I’d love to hear what other people do.

Springtime Thoughts

I’m trying not to let my physical stagnation due to broken toe get me down.  I had big plans for work to be done in my garden this week and although I’ve toned them down a bit, I will still be giving them the ole college try.

One of the biggest things I need to work on is a bindrune for my growing things.  (Bindrunes, for those unfamiliar, are very similar to sigil-work.  You take a series of symbols (runes, letter, numbers, what have you) and you artistically merge them together until you have a single image.  It has a powerful affect on the subconscious mind as well as on the outside world.)

My plan is to take a bunch of those little plant marker and inscribe the bindrune on each of them.  I will most likely do this with red paint since that is the closest analogue to the traditional blooding of runes.  I will also inscribe the bindrune on my rain barrels, composter, gardening gloves and gardening tools.

Tonight I have a gathering with my Coven to celebrate Imbolc and the return of Spring.  I am lugging my entire box of seeds with me in order to integrate it into a ritual for growth.  A blessing, if you will.  (In other words, if this ‘All From Seed’ garden thing I’m doing flops, it won’t be from lack of trying!)

Other than those things I am going to initiate some Spring cleaning around here.  Again, not with my usual vigor.  But I am itching to rearrange things around this house and I can’t do that until I clean out some of this crap.  As an Air sign, I simply cannot think when I am surrounded by shit that annoys me.  I also need to get off my butt and start making a pile of things that will make up the garage sale that I’ve been planning.

For the record, I hate the actual act of cleaning but I love the feeling I get when it’s actually done!

Well that was… disturbing.

First let me say that last night I went to the Esbat Drumming Circle where I Journeyed with a handful of lovely women in search of specific answers to some specific questions we asked.  I had already done the major Journey (see my posts from earlier this week, Seeing in the Dark Parts 1 & 2) solo so I decided to tighten my question up a bit last night.  I asked to be shown what skills or talents or wells of knowledge I needed to start focusing on in order to the do the Work.

The Journey was a lot more abstract than I am used to.  I was taken through many small tableaus of watching myself do very specific things.  It was pretty damned cool, to be honest but I certainly got some shocks along the way.  Also, I was thoroughly shamed regarding one thing in particular.  The unfortunate thing about being shown so many small things at once is I KNOW I forgot some of them during the Call Back.  (The Call Back is the distinct change in rhythm during a drumming that tells the Shamans to start their return to the Physical.)  And some of the things I do remember are pretty confusing in and of themself, but whatever, you work with what you get, right?

1.  Digging.  One of the things I was shown was myself digging in dark earth (almost black) under a full moon.  I was in a small clearing in the woods and I was alone.  I was digging with my bare hands, deeper and deeper.  Occasionally I would pull out a rock or a bone, examine it for a moment, before placing it aside and digging further.  I am unsure whether this whole ‘digging’ thing is to be a literal act or if it’s a metaphor.

2.  I saw myself laughing freely and long with a group of people that I didn’t recognize.  It was very much like those long, lovely nights where you get together with good friends, eat well, laugh long and share stories deep into the night.  Surrounded by music and the smell of incense and food.  I got a distinctly South American vibe from these friends of mine, as well as from the decor of the apartment we were in.  Bruja and brujo was the immediate thing that I thought of.  My Serpent Guide said “Community will bring you joy just as easily as it will bring you expansion.”  I got the distinct impression that my ‘community’ should be wide and varied.

3. My Serpent Guide said, “Trust your Voice.  Not your writing.  Your Voice.  The Voice.  The one you’re afraid of.  The one you’ve only ever heard on accident.  Use it.  Practice.  Hone it.  Your Voice has a resonance that can cut between the Worlds.”  (This is one that shamed me good.  I’m unsure if I’ve ever mentioned it here but I have a weird hang up about using my Voice.  I don’t mean my talking voice cause fuck knows I babble a lot, I mean my Voice.  The Voice.  What is known as the magickal Voice.  Every time I’ve intentionally tried to use it in the past I get embarrassed and end up fucking it all up.)

4.  I was surrounded by a heavy mist as I walked on uneven ground.  It was very dark and the mist was cloying, clinging to my skin as I moved through it.  I looked down and was astonished to see that my skin was glowing like a firefly.  Just this brilliant incandescent glow that lit up the mists around me.  I saw faces in the mists, hopeful, following me through the dark.  My mind didn’t know but my feet knew the way.  The others followed my light as I lead them uphill.  (The uphill part will be important in a minute)

5. Once the mists cleared (this will also be important in a minute) I was in a great hall surrounded by people.  Their faces showed what looked to be recognition and a certain knowing look, like they had been expecting me.  I didn’t recognize any of them, so this was rather like being at a party where everyone had Googled you and you know no one.  I moved through the people, through the hall, bypassing the food and drink.  Just as I was about to ask my Guide what the hell we were doing there I was stopped short about 15 feet from a great seat covered in animal skins and NO SHIT ODIN.

I stood there like a complete boob for awhile, I was just so damned shocked to bumble into fucking Valhalla on a group journey.  Plus he looked fucking pissed and I immediately began cycling through in my head what I could have possibly done to piss him off.  I was terrified, which isn’t my usual reaction to him.  Then again I’ve never run into him on a Journey before and it’s quite a different animal altogether.  So after standing there like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel for what seemed like forever I just dropped to my knees and said, loud and clear, “Hail Odin!”.

The silence that fell over the hall was absolute.  You could have heard a pin drop.  My terror doubled as I stared at the rushes on the floor.  I could feel every single eye on me but the one I was really aware of was his.  I could feel it blazing at me from where he sat.  After what seemed like forever the silence and stillness proved too much for me and I tentatively glanced up a bit.  I saw his hand motion me up.

I stood up and suddenly he was towering over me.  His icey blue eye burning into mine as he demanded, “Is this what  you want?”  As he spoke he gestured with one hand and I noticed runes burned into his fingernails.  I immediately said “I’m not ready.”  He remained mere inches from my face as he said “Through Practice the Talents will surface.  Is this what you want?”  (What I had thought I meant by my answer was that I wasn’t ready to give him an answer yet.  What he countered with shows me that he answered my unspoken misgiving of “I, Corvidae, don’t know shit about shit and I’m unsure where to even start therefore I am completely under-qualified for this.”)  I felt my face blazing from him cutting directly through my bullshit.  I answered again, “I’m not ready to answer yet.”  He said, still freakishly looming in my face, “When you are, you come see me.”

I appeared quite abruptly on an old path in the forest I had started out in and moments later I heard the drum Call Back.  What’s most interesting about the Mists and my encounter with Odin is that that is Upper World Work.  One of the tell-tale signs of an Upper World Journey is having to push through some sort of membrane.  Clouds.  Mists.  Waters.  Can be anything.  The other tell-tale sign is the Ascent.  Flying, climbing, jumping there’s always an upward direction.  I was walking uphill, through the mists.  So that was kind of stunning for me when I got back into the physical.

The other interesting thing, every single woman around the circle had also had an Upper World Journey.  I knew that sometimes there is proximity sympathy while Journeying.  Sometimes you can pick up or share aspects of your own or someone else’s Journey due to 1) lying right next to them or 2) being across the circle from them.  The cross circle one fascinates me and apparently it happens all the time.  People positioned exactly opposite each other will share things.  It’s strange.  But for an entire Circle to all transition into the Upper World, well that’s amazing!

Anyway, that was my evening last night.  And that wasn’t what was ‘disturbing’ as the title of this entry states.  My dream last night was what was disturbing.

I was sitting on a log staring at a large fire.  I was part of a circle of people all sitting there, looking into the fire as drums beat out.  There was a distinct feeling of being out of place and out of time.  Just, separate.  All seemed well until I happened to glance at the man to my right who was sitting close enough to touch.  He turned his head as I looked at him and grinned.  I can’t even begin to describe the absolute wrongness of the movements.  Not just the weird over- coordination of the muscles but the way the skin settled over the bone structure.  Everything about him was wrong.  And he meant me harm.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  The smile was too wide.  The teeth were too many.  The eyes were too large for the sockets.  The skin wrinkled and got hung over the bones as if it didn’t fit right.  And he looked pleased as punch about it all.

My reaction, as I’m sure you’ll agree was warranted, was to lurch as quickly and violently as humanly possibly off of that bench.  I think I shouted something classy like, ‘Fuck!’.  I immediately sped backwards through the spirit world and back into my Sacred Space.  I didn’t waste a moment as I called my Guides close to me and asked them to shield me against that… thing.  They did and I slept without further incident.

This morning I immediately got up and checked my wards.  All were still in tact, so whatever it was didn’t follow me home.  And this morning I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what the fuck it was.  It was wearing a human’s skin.  But it wasn’t human.  If anyone has any insight into it please sound off.  I like to know what the hell I’m dealing with.

It’s possible that this was just a one off bit of randomness.  Traveling in the spirit world you meet all sorts of things.  But I want to cover my ass here.  This is the first time I’ve collided with something that just felt wrong.  Malicious.  And no one else around the Circle noticed him like that.  To them he must have looked like a normal dude?  Why did I see what he really was (sort of)?

This incident is notable in another way.  This is the first time that I can remember that I was lucid during dreaming.  I’ve tried more times than I can count to become a lucid dreamer.  But this was the first time I’ve ever been successful.  So bully for me!  But ugh what the fuck was that thing?